I’ve always thought that being distracted when you’re depressed can only be a temporary hold on your feelings and will ultimately catch up to you in the end. Whether it is or it isn’t, being distracted has helped me cope with anything I was feeling a month ago. Now that the prognosis is not altogether hopeless, I find it much easier to focus on other aspects of my life and leave the worrying for later. I have kept very busy and allow myself little down time to reflect on my own thoughts.

I have engaged in activities I haven’t participated in since high school. Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing illegal, I’ve been in a play at a community theater. I’m sure my friends and family think it to be all I can talk or think about. . . and maybe it is. It has kept me from thinking about the depressing situation I currently find myself in. On top of the medical concerns, the battle with our insurance, and my uncertain future, my husband and I seemed to be trapped in the adolescent state of dependency. Like many other couples of our generation we find ourselves living with my parents and barely scraping by. The economy was in a complete downfall where we moved back from, but we find that it is not much better here.  We are faced with decisions of where to go next, how to go about looking for work, how to support ourselves, and will we have anything left in savings to build from?

So without becoming overwhelmed with problems and obstacles, we dive head-first into commitments and activities that will make us happy. If there isn’t much we can do about our lives as it stands now, the only thing left to do is hang on and ride the wave until it hopefully settles into a calm that we can live with. I should be thanking God that we could not bring a child into the world if we wanted to, because we would have enough trouble keeping ourselves afloat. That’s not to say, of course, that if it just “happened” by some random act of nature, we both wouldn’t do everything we could to make it work.

I will say this: After coming out to our friends and family with this journal and the news of our recent hardships, we have had an amazing flood of support and love that we never expected. It has made me feel extremely relieved to have it all out in the open and to see how people closest to us have made us feel that we are not alone.