My husband and I are up and out. We’ve moved to a new city and back on track again.

For the past two months we’ve been in our own apartment, in a new city, and very satisfied to do so. Matt has been working his new job for two weeks and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m sure a lot of you know what it feels like to be coming out of harder times. I’m just grateful that it wasn’t worse, which it definitely could have been.

A medical update:

It wasn’t a few weeks under our new health insurance that I wound up in the hospital with severe abdominal pains. I left after two days not knowing exactly what the cause was. Gallbladder malfunction has been a problem in my family for generations so I will need to see a specialist to have the proper tests. After extensive internet research, my husband thinks that it could all be related to the hormones I’ve been taking and that my Gallbladder not working properly could be the cause of my messed-up hormones. It was my decision to stop taking the hormones for a month until I can see a doctor.

After my first experience being admitted to a hospital, I am not altogether trusting of doctors. I kept feeling like I was being treated for symptoms, rather than finding the source of my problems. If hormones and Gallbladder are related, I want to be treated for the Gallbladder to hopefully regulate my hormones. Matt, my husband, thinks that the Gallbladder is meant to regulate hormones and if it isn’t working that could have been the source of my problem all along. Taking synthetic hormones has just been a treatment of a symptom rather than the cause. My goal is to find a doctor who can treat me with a holistic approach.

Being off the hormones, I’m hoping I can see if my body keeps me on a regular cycle, or goes back to nonexistent cycle. The downside is that my skin problems are returning and I have to watch my diet carefully for non-fat foods that will not aggravate the gallbladder.  Making matters worse, my work has been more stressful than it used to be and Matt went a few months without working. Only time will fix the added pressures we have been under.

End medical update.

Well, enough of the boring stuff. I hate to drone on and on about medical hooey. I include it in the hopes that someone can give me their own input or personal experiences. On a more personal level, I have been very satisfied with our current status in society. But, being away from our closest friends has not been easy.  I was looking forward to being a large part of our friends lives as new parents and it has been painful to be detached from them. With one couple we’ve been close to, distance is the only factor causing us to be. . . .um . . .distant.  I know that we are “aunt and uncle” to their baby girl no matter how far away we are. It thrills me to just be considered a friend and we love to get pictures and updates on how the little girl is doing.

With another couple, I know our detachment is more than just us moving away. It is hard for me to see updates on their new baby bundle because I know we are no one to them. I don’t share in their joy, it just hurts so much. We were once very close, and we often see old movies and pictures that remind us how much fun we used to have together. We had been through so much together. Now, it hurts me too much to even think about their new growing family. I thought we’d always be a part of each other’s lives. I want to feel the joy they feel and be a part of them, but it can never be the same again. We’ve been shut out.

It isn’t worth the drama of fixing our dead friendship because I know it only distracts them from where their focus should really be: their new baby. I cannot be selfish and think that our friendship is more than what it isn’t. I’ve accepted that things will never be the same.

I’m sure that everyone has felt the pains of remembering fun times that will never be again. I look around me, and there is not one couple left of our old friends that hasn’t moved on to Baby Kingdom.  A few bachelor friends remain. They deserve their happiness. It’s like I tell my co-workers who have a bun in the oven “You deserve to have all the rights of passage in this blessed event. If I were an expecting mother, no one could take away my right to complain about nausea, morning sickness, back pains, etc.” All I ask, is that I be around to experience it with you.