Category: Future/ Hopes?

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll already know I’ve admitted to being a Dr.Laura listener. Alright, alright, I know that could get me some flack from people for that confession. I am conservative when it comes to my own values and beliefs about families, raising children, parenthood, marriage, but around my neighborhood I could be considered quite liberal.  I will not be delving further into the debatable issues today.

To continue with my point, I was listening to Dr. Laura yesterday and happened upon a very appropriate and eye-opening call. A woman was calling because she was unhappy. Her husband and herself had discussed children before they were married and both wanted a couple or a few. But after her first child was born, her husband changed his mind and doesn’t want any more. She was upset about this because while she loves her son, she has always wanted more. Dr. Laura opened the discussion by commenting, “Do you know how many infertile women out there today would gladly trade places with you in an instant?” Basically, her advice was to quit “bitching” and be happy with what you have.

I’ll admit that I sort of felt sorry for the caller. If she wants more children, why did the husband just get to change his mind all of a sudden and decide for the both of them? But as Dr. Laura pointed out, many of us women who cannot get pregnant or who have little chance of getting pregnant, would do almost anything just for the opportunity for one. It is a true lesson in finding happiness with what you have been dealt in life. There are many things we find we cannot control. When that happens, looking for the unique, the positive, the blessing, the sliver of light that can be our chance for fulfillment.

Matt and I have often toyed with the idea of what our lives would be like without children. Looking on the bright side, it would be peaceful and responsibility free (or that’s how it can be perceived). I once looked in a small homes magazine and picked out this great mountain cabin that I LOVED. It had a small sitting area, kitchen, dining area, and a loft for the bedroom. The whole place was lit up with natural light from the tall ceiling capped with never-ending skylights. It was a tiny, gorgeous  house. Matt and I daydreamed that if we couldn’t have children, we’d save all our money and build a quaint little house like that. We could live anywhere we wanted.  We’d both be working, and the only thing to do with the money is travel, play, explore, buy toys, and invest for a lovely retirement. Sounds perfect? Not quite. Of course, raising children still seems ideal for my future, but if not? I think I could be happy.

I am home in a rush to eat some dinner and run out again, so I’ll be quick. Basically, Motherhood is not off the tabel for me yet. Which is good news! They are going to test for a chromosome irregularity that could cause ovarian failure and until they know more I will be taking hormone replacement medication to get me back on track.  Pregnancy will still be a challenge in the future, but for now I am happy to just have an answer and a solution. If becoming a mother is in the stars for me, I just pray that it will come as stress free as possible for someone in my . . .special circumstances?

Today I feel: relieved, strong, and happy to be happy again. This weekend I will attend a baby shower and I can relax and enjoy the day. Have a Happy Easter everyone and I will see you again soon. My journey isn’t over yet.

Children of Men

If you haven’t seen this movie starring Clive Owen, I strongly recommend it. This movie has so many depths and layers I am still amazed after watching it 100 times. Not only would I say the storyline, visual effects, acting, and representation of the future are immaculate, but I am continually impressed at the many messages hidden in the plot lines.

Children of Men is set 20 some-odd years into the future where human beings have not been able to reproduce for about 20 years. Children do not exist and humanity has all but given up. When a pregnant woman is discovered, an underground group tries to protect her. Clive Owen’s character gets mixed up in all of this and becomes the only person she can trust to deliver and save her child. 

What amazes me most about this movie is the honest portrayal of the future. There are no sleek uniforms, clean steel and glass buildings (okay maybe one), or flying cars. It is dirty, corrupt, and not all that different from what we see today. It is clear that some technology has advanced and futuristic cars look used and old, which is accurate. The garbage on the street reminds me that without future generations to think about, why would we bother to clean up after ourselves? In one scene, an elementary school is left abandoned for forest creatures to dwell. People have given up hope and stopped thinking of the future of the planet and focus on only their own survival.

I bring this up today because it is a perfect representation of how I feel when I think of living my life without children. My  husband and I have always known it would be difficult to conceive when we wanted to, but we didn’t know just how much so. Until now, children was more than just a possible future. Now, we have to conceive of what our lives could be like without them. Will it be like the movie? With no worry of future generations in our family, will that take all the pressure of ‘succeeding’ in life? Will we become selfish? Will we live out all our other fantasies and secret passions only to find at the end that it was all for no one?

I know there are some couples out there that have chosen to be childless. Are these worries ever shared with them? How do they cope? What do they tell themselves about their own futures when it isn’t linked with the phrase, “when our kids. . .” ?